The benefits of a slow beginning

Dear Ms. Heidi,

My little one gets very clingy when it is time to start school and we have to spend the day apart. How can I help her adjust to being away from me?

Dear Friends,

As we teachers begin our own transition back from summer, I wanted to let you know that our hearts are filled with love and compassion our young students (and their parents) who may be facing anticipation, hesitation, or anxiety as the first day of school approaches. I’m going to call this mixture of excitement and hesitation “separation anxiety,” even though our students are long past the age with which we generally associate it. Separation anxiety is completely normal and may appear throughout one’s life. If I think back on my lifetime, I can identify this feeling whenever I faced a big transition: first days of school every year, going away from home for college, starting a new job, getting ready for a move across county…I even get it before I go on a trip.

Separation anxiety can be especially uncomfortable for children because they don’t have the words to describe it or the life experience to know that it temporary. Some young children are still developing the ability to form images in their minds of their parents that they can bring forth when they are away from them. As parents, if we are sensitive to our children’s moods, we can even pick up on their emotions and start feeling anxious ourselves! Because children live in our emotions, their feelings become even more amplified by our own. Before you know it, everyone feels unsettled.
One of the reasons we created our “slow beginning” to the school year is to recognize our students’ tender task of transitioning to school for the first time or after a summer away from familiar classrooms and play yards. We separate our classes into small groups and invite each child and their parents to spend a morning playing with us. Together, you will explore the toys, locate the bathroom, spend some time checking in with the teachers, and meet other students and parents in your new community. Together, the two (or three) of you enjoy an easy, peaceful step into the new year.

The second stage in our slow beginning is to have half of the class come for half a day. Having had a positive experience from the shared playdate with parents bolsters the child’s courage for meeting more friends and for transferring trust from parents to teachers. Having less students on these half days allows the teachers to give extra support and comfort to children on the first day without parents.

When the whole class comes together for the first “official” day of school, each child has already had two successful and nurturing school experiences. They know where they will find their cubby, what to expect with snack and lunch, how to navigate bathroom use, who most of their class mates will be, and how much their teachers already love them.

Although our slow beginning doesn’t always eliminate separation anxiety, it can alleviate the worst of it. As parents, you can remind your child how much fun you had together, what you loved best about your play date, and provide reassurance about the room, the rhythm, the play yard, and the teachers.

When you cultivate a calm and peaceful feeling for the upcoming transition to school, your child can rest in your serenity. Remember, young children live in our emotions. The way that you approach the separation predicts how your child will approach it. When you are worried or unsure, you unconsciously convey that school is not a safe place to be. Your child will react with increased fear and trepidation. When you smile and recall how special the classroom felt to you, how happy you felt there, or how excited you are for your child to spend time with new friends, you model peaceful anticipation and courage.

May you feel the joy of a slow and gentle beginning to the new year.

See you around school,

Ms. Heidi