Sometimes it's hard to be apart

Dear Ms. Heidi

Last week you described the benefits to a slow start to school and how they can help the little ones feel secure. Do you have any advice for me? I find myself feeling nervous about the transition.

Dear Friends,

Parents can have anxiety about separation from little ones too, especially if this is your first school experience or first time at Waldorf School of New Orleans. We are also here for you!

Taking deep breaths and intentionally exhaling can help bring you back to your center when you are feeling worried. Try building up a picture of your child laughing, learning, playing, smiling, and thriving in their new classroom. Keep this picture in your mind for a few moments until it feels real and substantial. Feel yourself smiling at your secure, happy child. Bring this image to your mind frequently over the next few weeks, and then build up another image of your smiling, secure child crossing the threshold into the classroom. Bring up an image of your class teachers with their arms out, their hearts full of love, and their faces glowing with the joy of their work. Trust these images and know that you and your child are in a safe and loving community.

Another tool that might help any family member with separation is to predict what will happen each morning. You can begin from wake-up time and breakfast or just focus on the few minutes before you say goodbye. It might go like this, “After I open your door, you will jump out of the car and get your lunchbox. We’ll wait with friends until it’s time to enter the front door (or play yard or side yard: your class teacher will explain the process to you before school begins) and go to your classroom. We’ll see your teacher and say good morning. I’ll give you one big hug and tell you that I can’t wait to hear about your day when you come home. Then you will go to your cubby, and I will walk back to the car. Then I will go to my work (or I will go home), and you will do your work at school. And both of us will tell each other all about our days when we are together again.”

Predicting a new or difficult experience helps us to feel that we are prepared for whatever might come up. When we are prepared, we feel safer. Another way to help you or your child feel safe is to find books about the concern you are facing. I highly recommend The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn and Oh My Baby, Little One by Kathi Appelt to bring reassurance about separation to parents and to children. Once you see your child relax into their school life, you will most likely feel your own separation anxiety melt away.

Even if your child doesn’t experience separation anxiety this August, it is totally normal for it to appear at other times. It usually means your child is feeling vulnerable and needs reassurance. Always check in with your teacher and see if anything has changed at your school. A noisy fire drill, a stormy day, a loose tooth, or even a parent’s or teacher’s illness can make your child feel unsure about leaving you. Above all, our children need to feel that all is right in their world and that they can depend upon the adults in their lives to keep them safe. Your anxious feelings might pop up and disappear again, too, especially if there is something new or different in your own routine. Please reach out to a trusted friend, a partner, or your child’s teacher if you continue to feel worried about separation.

If you have any other concerns or questions, please send them to me at askmsheidi@waldorfnola.org. I’m here to support your parenting journey, and I’m delighted to help!

See you around school,

Ms. Heidi